There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
