I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
