If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
