she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
