So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
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I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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