I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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