I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
