Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
