Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
