im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
