this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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