Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
is it fun? or sober?
I have post one night stand depression
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
