So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i drank out of a bidet.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
