apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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