When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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