hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
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Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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