Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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