Your mouth is God's brothel.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
