I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
