I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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