You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
