Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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