Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
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