Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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