Cold hands, warm shart.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
