I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
