I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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