He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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