I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
