YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
