The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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