so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i think i just lost a toe
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
