i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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