NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
