i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Pants are for mortals
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