Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.