He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic