Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?