I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.