In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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