Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
