There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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