you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
