Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
