he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
