I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
