Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
