My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
