4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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