After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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