dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
