Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize