i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
