Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Four minutes until I can fart!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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