I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my shit smells like andre
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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