6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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