Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
