I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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