Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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