Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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