We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
