it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
