WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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