I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
