somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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