she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
