I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
