A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Randomize
