i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
time to smoke my breakfast
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
