Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
