get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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