Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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