I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
