my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
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this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
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I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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