I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize