I wish I could teleport
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
