Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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