So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
